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I have only previously read essays by Hélène Cixous, so a book is a new adventure. And if this is like any of the others (and there are so, so many), I would like to read them all! This amazing memoir merges dreams, memories and stories from her mother and her mother's friends, using the ruined synagogue in the German town of Osnabrück as an anchor. From here, Cixous considers the idea of a nation state and identity when no border seems to accept you, beginning from her mother's experience as a Jew who fled 1930s Germany to end up in Algeria, where she was later arrested and had to move to France, where she was not welcomed as an Algerian passport holder.

Cixous' writing is sublime, and she deals with complexity with a light touch and endearing good humour. Within, there are deep levels of philosophy and observations on human society that struck a chord.

There are two parts to this book. The first is really just a portrait of a certain kind of person in every tech company, as well as the prevailing culture of those companies. The author downplays her significant privilege (because most of the people around her are similarly privileged; fish don’t know they’re wet) and leads a relatively hollow life working in marketing for Google. Everything here rings true: Google sounds like Google, and although I’ve never met Claire, I’ve met a hundred people like her. It’s infuriating in its banality, but compellingly told.

In the second half, she starts to see the processes and power dynamics that she’s been a part of, culminating in the Google walkout and the retaliation she faced in its aftermath. People like her aren’t supposed to face consequences, but she did, and it surprised her. The people from marginalized backgrounds that have fought to advocate for themselves every day don’t really feature save for one dismissive passage and some name-checking of intersectional justice issues towards the end.

This is an important story that needs to be told, but I wish it had been much broader. Her experiences were real and terrible. In the aftermath of speaking out, she shattered the walls of a class-based echo chamber that many people experience — but doesn’t seem to understand it for what it is. That’s a missed opportunity. Although she goes to great lengths to describe the way corporations embrace and spin events to soften their edges, I walked away feeling like she’d done some of that herself. These are issues with power in American society, not just the management layer of one tech company. But the book doesn’t seem to want to go there. In the end, she just seems to be sad she had to leave.

The Google walkout was significant, and this is an important chronicle of a particular time and a particular culture, as well as the struggle women face within it. I’m glad this book exists and I enjoyed reading it. I just wish there was more to it.

It's taken me a while to review this because where can I start. It is one of the most important mental health books I've ever read. Maybe not for everyone, but for almost anyone with CPTSD, and if you ever felt frozen and like you were responding to threats in a way that goes against your morals but you can't seem to stop, if you ever wondered why you can never seem to fight back or speak out in the moment someone does something wrong, then it's for you.