Foreverland - Outside of a Dog

Hardcover, 304 pages

Published Feb. 8, 2022 by Ecco.

ISBN:: 9780062984463

(1 review)

If falling in love is the peak of human experience, then marriage is the slow descent down that mountain, on a trail built from conflict, compromise, and nagging doubts. Considering the limited economic advantages to marriage, the deluge of other mate options a swipe away, and the fact that almost half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce anyway, why do so many of us still chain ourselves to one human being for life?

In Foreverland, Heather Havrilesky illustrates the delights, aggravations, and sublime calamities of her marriage over the span of fifteen years, charting an unpredictable course from meeting her one true love to slowly learning just how much energy is required to keep that love aflame. This refreshingly honest portrait of a marriage reveals that our relationships are not simply "happy" or "unhappy," but something much murkier--at once unsavory, taxing, and deeply satisfying. With …

If falling in love is the peak of human experience, then marriage is the slow descent down that mountain, on a trail built from conflict, compromise, and nagging doubts. Considering the limited economic advantages to marriage, the deluge of other mate options a swipe away, and the fact that almost half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce anyway, why do so many of us still chain ourselves to one human being for life?

In Foreverland, Heather Havrilesky illustrates the delights, aggravations, and sublime calamities of her marriage over the span of fifteen years, charting an unpredictable course from meeting her one true love to slowly learning just how much energy is required to keep that love aflame. This refreshingly honest portrait of a marriage reveals that our relationships are not simply "happy" or "unhappy," but something much murkier--at once unsavory, taxing, and deeply satisfying. With tales of fumbled proposals, harrowing suburban migrations, external temptations, and the bewildering insults of growing older, Foreverland is a work of rare candor and insight. Havrilesky traces a path from daydreaming about forever for the first time to understanding what a tedious, glorious drag forever can be.

2 editions

Victor Villas reviewed Foreverland by Heather Havrilesky

Shamefully Sincere

3 stars

It's hard to review this book without addressing the core impediment to my enjoyment: the author is defined by being annoyed and being annoying, one of those who really owns it, it's their whole personality portrayal in this book. Constantly disgusted, hateful of almost everything and everyone to some degree, it's no wonder that the core message of the book is that being married is 50% curse, 50% blessing - not only that, but that's how it's supposed to be. Maybe it's a burden of being a hetero cis woman, which I'll never truly experience, and the almost inevitable woes of marrying a regular dude. Maybe it's a Gen X thing, still not able to shake off the chains of old. Maybe it's an American thing, lots of its culture feel alien to me.

It took the author more than a decade of marriage to grow some maturity and empathy, …

It's hard to review this book without addressing the core impediment to my enjoyment: the author is defined by being annoyed and being annoying, one of those who really owns it, it's their whole personality portrayal in this book. Constantly disgusted, hateful of almost everything and everyone to some degree, it's no wonder that the core message of the book is that being married is 50% curse, 50% blessing - not only that, but that's how it's supposed to be. Maybe it's a burden of being a hetero cis woman, which I'll never truly experience, and the almost inevitable woes of marrying a regular dude. Maybe it's a Gen X thing, still not able to shake off the chains of old. Maybe it's an American thing, lots of its culture feel alien to me.

It took the author more than a decade of marriage to grow some maturity and empathy, barely enough to stop seeing their partner as a nuisance, and the book tries to end on a positive tone. And still, in my view it fails to do so when the author even then circles back to this idea that it's just how it is: a mix of paradise and hell for decades before such enlightenment is possible. I congratulate the couple for plowing through the chaos and turbulence, but for the sake of humankind I hope the author is wrong when they say that this is the prevalent and expected experience of marriage - that is just too bleak, no dose of sarcasm and snarky humor should be enough to pose this cynical and dated view of human relationships as a "hard truth". This is bitterness well dressed with wit, some do enjoy this sort of thing.

I give the book some extra stars for being well written and captivatingly sincere enough to keep me with it until the end. What gives me hope is that the toxicity was exaggerated for the sake of entertainment. I think a lot of people are going to resonate with a lot of the book, because the author collects a catalogue of character faults - anyone will definitely find theirs represented in here and possibly relate.